The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Blame Game – Vulture

Can someone please explain to me why I just watched a group of women in their late 30s to early 50s play a kickball game in real time? I sat down in front of my television, grabbed my computer, a cup of tea, and 15 Girl Scout cookies (my usual writing supplies) and watched a group of women in Fashion Nova workout clothes play a full game of kickball. The last time I even thought about kickball was in 10th grade, when we begged our French-class teacher to let us play a game of kickball against the Spanish class next door if we all got 100 percent on our quizzes, but suddenly Im watching an entire game of kickball on TV! Just when I thought the quiet hell was over, we had to watch MULTIPLE FRAMES OF BOWLING.

Real Housewives of Atlanta, whats happening? Why are we being led astray? Do we really not have anything? Weve got all the ingredients for an awesome episode Kenya and Marcs awful relationship, Eva refusing to stay on bedrest, NeNe showing up unannounced to a couples bowling night. But we managed to get, like, 15 full minutes of legit game play.

Im not entirely sure whats happening this season, but do we not have the footage? Is there just nothing there? Is the complete refusal of NeNe Leakes to play along in any context just messing things up? Because if the choice is No NeNe and 15 full minutes of a kickball game, Im Team No NeNe. Maybe its time to throw in some new blood. Give Tanya and Marlo their peaches and toss in a new shit-stirrer. Didnt Cardi B just buy a house in Atlanta? Throw her on the show. If not, Im sure Cardi B knows someone who would happily rip out a Housewifes tracks for some airtime. We can FIGURE THIS OUT.

Lets get to it.

The only emotionally interesting and compelling portion of the episode is Cynthia finally reading Mikes book, even though it looks like shes just reading the synopsis and discovering just how incompetent he might be with relationships. Mike seems to think he was driven to cheat because he was with someone who wasnt giving him everything he needed in a relationship. Oooooooooooooooooooh-okay. So this is what weve got to deal with? Cynthia says that shes been cheated on, even when her partner didnt have anything to ask for. She wants to know if the only thing thats been reliable in his relationships is that hes cheated, why does he think hes going to be able to be faithful to Cynthia? He says that if he messes up, thats entirely on him. YEAH, MIKE. WE KNOW. Cynthia is asking a completely different question than Mike is willing to answer.

Cynthia also says shes not judging Mike; shes just judging his actions and his reasons for his actions. Cynthia, Im not sure whats left of a persons makeup after those two things. Mike tries to spin it by saying that Cynthia is 52, so obviously Cynthia has done some stuff too. OH NO, MICHAEL. Cynthia does not cheat. She will never cheat because she is what? SICKENING. Then Mike does the most annoying thing anyone can do in a relationship: Oh, thats right. Youre perfect.

Cynthia correctly points out that they (read: Mike) dont know how to argue, and they might benefit from some counseling. Her impression of Mike doing an argument is to walk out of the room, out of the door, and down the street; Cynthia committed to the bit so strongly I didnt think she was going to come back. Mike seems to think calmly, saying that youve done something wrong is the same thing as working on that flaw and, therefore, there couldnt be anything to work on in their relationship. He even says, I want you to be happy, and if Im not doing that, Im not the man for you.

How did they not sort any of this out before they got engaged? Woo, Cynthia definitely was thirsty if she didnt deal with all of his past relationships ending because of his infidelity, or the fact that his way to deal with disagreement is to pout and take his ball away like a little kid. Cool cool cool. Great foundation for a marriage.

Meanwhile, NeNe is completely out of friends, and shes forced to do a classic Housewives catch-up sesh with Gregg. Gregg simply does not care and just wants to go back to watching TV or whatever it is old men do. Hes going to nod along with whatever delusions NeNe is saying. Its sad? Yeah, its sad. The big drama is that Marc is hosting a charity event and they invited all the couples, but Kenya didnt tag NeNe in the Instagram invite. Yup. Thats it. I know Housewives drama is predicated on the tiniest bit of drama, but we sure are grasping for it now. NeNe is mostly offended that Kenya came to her event (that she was two and a half hours late for) and only stayed for seven minutes.

Its time for a full kickball game. This is like in Twilight when suddenly were supposed to watch a vampire baseball game. Kenyas team, Team Twirl, ends up winning 10-3. I know that because we watched it in real time.

Everyone is pretty invigorated by the kickball game and thinks they should do it more often. When Kenya puts on her everyone is having fun here voice, its positively chilling. Kandi announces that this kickball game, in addition to being episode filler, is a test to see if everyone can get along because THEYRE GOING TO GREECE!

Now its time to live in the hellscape that is Kenyas relationship. Kenya and Marc take baby Brooklyn to swim lessons, and Marc keeps joking that hes going to submerge Kenya. Like a couple of times. Does he want to drown her? Does he think its funny to drown her? Please free her from this man. Marc is holding a charity event and hes decided hes going to invite Gregg, and, therefore, NeNe. He did not get the memo that he has to hate everyone his wife hates.

THOSE ARE THE RULES. If you are in a relationship, you have to have the same enemies. You cant be sitting down for a meal with someone your spouse has chosen to hate. Having an enemy is one of the greatest pleasures of being alive. Two nights ago, someone told me that someone I positively dislike wrote multiple embarrassing blog posts about their ex-boyfriend and changed their last name to sound more diverse. Im still filled with delicious hateful energy. Trying to rob your spouse of their God-given right to hate another human being for little to no reason should be grounds for divorce. There are so many reasons why Kenya definitely should divorce Marc, but forcing her to hang out with NeNe is positively criminal.

At their bowling party, it becomes obvious to everyone else that Marc has decided that what he says goes in their relationship, and he just has to call Kenya Ken to make that happen. Also, Kenya and Marc are chatting that maybe they could have some sexy time since the baby is with the nanny. Marc jokes, Oh, were calling it sexy time now?, and Kenya says, I cant say how you normally say it. YOU. ME. MAKEY THE SEX. YOU BE QUIET. TURN AROUND. Marc says, YOU TOO MUCH TOO HARD TOO MUCH ROUGH SEX.

First of all, BLEAK. Second of all, who is Marc doing an impression of? Is he being himself, or is he being Kenya? Because if hes being Kenya, FUCKING YIKES. What a fucking dark inside joke. Dennis and Porsha arrive, and Kenya wants to introduce Marc and Dennis because Dennis is from Detroit too. Dennis keeps repeating, Detroit women are tough, man. Does everyone fundamentally hate women?

The conversation of who is invited to the charity event comes up, and Marc wants all the men in the couples to talk to young black men. What is Dennis going to talk to those kids about? Marc has decided that Gregg will be invited, and if that means NeNe is invited, SO BE IT. Marc literally tells her at one point to rein it in. Marc is also annoyed that Kenya didnt invite Tanya to bowling because her fianc couldnt come. Marc will not be held down by this petty bullshit, and Ken can get the fuck with the program.

Porsha takes advantage of Kenyas newfound submissiveness to bring up the fact that Kenya ruined her relationship with Tanya, and Kenya says it was all just unfortunate. Porsha says, Yeah, it was unfortunate that you called my friend a. Well, you know the rest.

Gregg and NeNe show up to bowling, and NeNe is over the top when it comes to greeting everyone and takes time to compliment Kenyas titties. Gregg tells Marc he cant go anywhere his wife doesnt go, so they need to figure it out. Marc says, Im not on Instagram. Thats irrelevant to me. He goes to Kenya to get her agreement on the topic. Kenya tells him later that he got what he wanted, and Marc says, What we wanted. Were a team. CHILLING.

Keep up with all the drama of your favorite shows!

Read more from the original source:
The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Blame Game - Vulture

Reviewed and Recommended by Erik Baquero