Girls went full-blown horror movie in last night’s episode – Time Out New York (blog)

Horror movie is rightlast nights episode, fittingly titled Hostage Situation, opens on Marnie and Desi going at it, although at least now she seems to be showing some semblance of regret for cheating on Ray. (She literally screams Im a fucking monster! mid-coitus, which, like, Marn, youre not wrong.)

To help cover Marnies tryst, Hannah third-wheels with the forbidden lovers on a secret weekend rendezvous to Poughkeepsie. Its as awful as it soundsDesi is dressed like Steve Zissou, Marnies taking style cues fromThelma & Louiseera Susan Sarandon, and theyre driving to Lite FM covers of Karma Police. While exploring the town, Hannah temporarily escapes the terrible twosome and comes upon a bewitching shop owner (played byParenthoods Joy Bryant) who tells her life story, which includes falling onto the subways third rail and being saved by Law & Ordersown Chris Noth. Oh, okay.

The veryTeen Witch-y moment concludes with Hannah being gifted a tea set, which is promptly shattered during a particularly scary fight between Desi and Marnie after the missus finds a mason jar of OxyContin in his private briefcase. (Oof, Charlie 2.0.) Turns out, Desi is a drug addict whos been using for a year, including on their wedding day. The music turns sinister and Desi keeps resurrecting like Ghostface but, finally, the girls physically removehim from the cabin.

This leads to a surprisingly mature heart-to-heart between Hannah and Marnie. Hannah, seemingly still buzzing off the chill vibes she gained duringher Montauk excursion last episode, promises that shes done judging and acting superior to Marnie. Shell help her best friend out of this mess, which she does, literally hauling a bloodied and dazed Desi back into the convertible for the journey home.

Back in the city, Shoshanna ropes Elijah into attending a womens networking clubdubbed WEMUNthats Women Entrepreneurs Meet Up Now, natchas her fake executive assistant. (Hopefully the woman who invited Spanx will be there, because I have a lot to thank her for.) Jessa also tags along, albeit wholly uninvited.

WEMUN is founded by Shoshannas now uber-successful former college BFFs, who she dumped way back when to instead hang out with Jessa. They dont respond to Shoshs appeals to reconnect, leaving her dejected and quick to snap at judgmental Jessa. Jessa bites back about Marnie sleeping with Ray, but then Elijah lets it slip that, actually, Marnies sleeping with Desi. (Thats sure to get back to Ray now, no?) Grow up! Jessa shouts, before storming off into the night. Really, its advice that everyGirlscharacter should take to heart. Choice soundbites:Thats my best friendshes stuck in this psycho-sexual hamster wheel with this total fuck nugget, so.Hannah

Theyre like Khloe Kardashian and Bethenny Frankel, if those women werent amazing and total revolutionaries.Jessa

He looks like someone in the Pacific Northwest knit a man.Hannah

If youre using Marnie to justify your behavior, then ew.Shoshanna.

Christina is the Food & Drink editor at Time Out. She can out-eat and out-drink you. Seriously, don't even try heryou're gonna lose. Follow her on Twitter at @christinalizzo.

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Girls went full-blown horror movie in last night's episode - Time Out New York (blog)