Review: "Scary isn't here," at "The Innkeepers"

Writer-director Ti West goes where many — especially Stephen King — have gone before with "The Innkeepers," a handsome looking but utterly flat-footed tale of a haunted hotel.

The Yankee Pedlar, which looks to date from the early 19th century, is a money-losing operation about to close for good. But desk clerk Luke (Pat Healy) wants to find proof of the hotel's ghost — Madeline O'Malley, a bride who died there — before it closes its doors. And the nerdy, dullish Luke has enlisted Claire, played by Sara Paxton ("Last House on the Left"), to help him.

But they don't want video of this Corpse Bride. No. They're only after audio. So no "found footage" "Blair Witch"/"Paranormal" comparisons here. "Innkeepers" is NOTHING like those films. (Mainly because it isn't scary.)

As with King's "1408" and "The Shining," West wants this well-kept Connecticut hostelry (it really is called The Yankee Pedlar) to cast its spell and give us chills. But he lazily wrote no back story for it and makes no effort to give it a haunted history or vibe. He pointlessly breaks the movie into titled chapters, e.g. "Chapter Three — A Final Guest."

Basically, he had a location and the always fetching Paxton — the current "scream queen" ("Shark Night 3D") — and that's it.

Claire, dying of curiosity, wants to know why this ghost is still there. Luke, the instigator of all this ghost busting, doesn't: "I don't spend my time trying to figure out what women want — especially dead ones."

One of the inn's guests is a faded actress turned psychic (Kelly McGillis, 30 years after "Witness"). West wastes her in a glorified cameo that has her doing little more than mentioning the "danger" in this situation.

When Claire enthuses, "We're going to get something good, I can feel it," she's lying.

Worst of all is the film's pacing. Nothing remotely scary happens for the first 40 minutes, and not much that occurs afterwards — repeated trips to the dark and dank basement — manages much of a jolt, either.

The production values are solid, and West plays around with sound (characters wear headphones when they're ghost hunting). Otherwise, there's nothing to recommend "The Innkeepers."

As Stephen King himself might have put it, "Scary isn't here, Mrs. Torrance."

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Review: "Scary isn't here," at "The Innkeepers"

Reviewed and Recommended by Erik Baquero